Lydia

Kurtis stopped the motorbike in front of Selma’s appartment, after a tiring journey from Capadocy. Lara approached to the door, but then she stopped. - What’s up?- he said. She put a finger into her lips and pointed the door. It was half-opened. Both of them placed at door’s sides, picked up their weapons… - One, two, three!! Lara opened the door with a kick and they entered with their weapons in their hands. Selma’s apartment was a nature’s miracleI feel astounding would be better here, btw its either 'a miracle' or 'natures miracle': nobody could explain how such a small space could keep so many things. They knew there was nobody there… but the last visitor had left a message for them. On the wall there was a text written with a dark substance, composed of symbols similar to those that were in Von Croy and Vasiley’s apartments: the Nephilim writing. - It’s blood.- Lara said, aprroaching to the wall. There was no dead body, no policial intervention. It seemed that Karel had written that with his own blood. Kurtis was concentrating on the symbols, and then Lara heard him whispering in a strange language. - Do you understand the writing? - My father teached me the enemy’s language. – he answered – “And Yahveh said: My spirit will not remain within human race, because they’re only flesh” Lara exclaimed: - This is a Genesis’ verse, the same as the one which mentions you can have 'talks about' or 'mentions' but not 'mentions about' the Nephilim! He should be very proud of being eternal while we’re only simple mortals. She started searching in the shelves and papers in Selma’s study. It was necessary to find information about the Seal, and discover some clue. At the moment, they were stuck. - Go and have a rest.- she said- I can take care of it. Certainly Kurtis didn’t know how he could stay on his feet. - Tell me if you find anything.- he said. He went to the bathroom, had a shower and a shave (he had a horrible beard). When he removed the dirty bandages, the sewing wound appeared. what exctally do you mean here? He touched his belly and his back. Boaz’s goad had entered trough his back and had exited without seriously damaging his organs and without touching the spinal column[/color]. If he had believed in miracles, that would have been a miracle. For a moment he stopped thinking about himself and remembered, worried, the rest of Karel’s message. He hadn’t told Lara about it, she was very clever and probably she would have deduced what he was starting to suspect.

cool thanks, its good even missing the first parts although I was a little confused at the start.

oh you mean he stuck his middle finger up, ok I'll edit that in. And I have edited the others in too. And thats ok , would it be ok if I put it on the fanfiction section of my site when i am done?

thanks, so far its suprisingly enjoyable.

- Are you looking for this, Gunderson? – he said with an ironical smile. The mercenary asked himself if Kurtis was refering to the Golden Seal (which was on his third finger) or to his middle finger which was up.still not 100% on this - Well, you finally dare to face me, Trent. - Are you selling yourself to the best master, you piece of dross?ok but sounds a bit odd, you could say to the highest bidder rather than to the best master. Who are you working for? It's Karel, isn't it? - I have a life-mission, but you haven’t, your only purpose in life is to die at my masters hand. Suddenly, he heard a sound behind him, and when he turned he saw Lara pointing at him. How the hell…? - Don’t move.- said Lara – Don’t breath. Nevertheless, don’t shout, because by the time your men arrive I will have killed you. A trick. He had distracted him, while she had crept up behind him. - You won’t win. – said Gunderson – The Nephilim has planned everythingl for you, and he will find you wherever you hide yourself. - Has anybody said that we’re going to hide? – said Lara. Gunderson smiled. - When you know what he’s going to do with you, my lovely, you will want to hide for the rest of your vile life. Lara frowned. What on earth was she doing here? - Stop having a gab.a bit colloqual here maybe just use stop having a chat?- Kurtis said, pulling out his weapon – Go into the tunnel. Gunderson dropped his weapon, entered, and forced by Lara he walked passing the big petrol pool. His men couldn’t help him, and his five most trusted were in, one of the chambers, and it was too risky to call them. I’m definitively surrounded by fools, he thought. - Go on, Lara.- Kurtis suggested. She lit a flare with a perverse smile. - Damned bitch! – Gunderson screamed. Lara dropped the flare into the pool and the petrol caught fire inmediately. Gunderson ran away and dissapeared into the dark. - A good plan.- said Kurtis, putting away his weapon. Lara had to agree: the fire would seal the entrance for a long time, forcing Gunderson and his men to go back. As for the rest of the mercenaries, they probably would be lost in secondary tunnels, and the exit was closed by another explosion. - We should have killed him.- said Lara, while they were walking to the place where Kurtis’ motorbike was.(yes, he had rescued it too). - Kill Gunderson? – he said – Perhaps, but last, I have some respect for him. He was my best friend a long time ago. If I have to kill him, I won’t do it that way. Lara shook her head. Damned men, them and their ridiculous sense of honour. - Do you want to know what I don't like about you plan? – she said – That since we’ve started, nobody has stopped insulting me, and it has all been planned by you. Kurtis started laughing. That was the first time he laughed… and that changed his face completely, Lara thought. - I’m sorry. I promise to compensate you for every offense. - Well.- she sighed – Like Caligula said: Hate me in order to fear me. They got into the motorbike and left the excavation to go to Istanbul. Lara’s plan was to return to Selma’s apartment in order to find information about the Seal. But they didn’t know that every movement was being controled by Karel, who had allowed them to have an advantatge over him uptoIs my correcting correct here? that moment. That was the strategy of somebody who knows that he will win. Just a short note on things you have got wrong more than once: thought is with an ht at the end not th. And guys is more casual and is not how I would describe mercenries. And you light a fire, past tense is lit, you can say set it on fire but setted isn't a word.

Gunderson withdrew to the excavation’s entrance. His men were wearing gas masks, but he was already half-suffocated by the damned petrol. He was astonished when he saw Kurtis standing in front of him. He immedatly aimed his machine gun at Kurtis, but the fact that Kurtis was not trying to defend himself astonished him even more.

- Hey! – one shouted – Here! - But, what’s that? The mercenaries were looking at the beheaded and skinned mantichoras with shocked expressions if you can think of a better ajective here that would be good. - They’re demons! – he shouted again – I’m going! - Damn! – the other shouted – You’ll remain here like all the others! Mantichoras were lying at the entrance of the right hand tunnel. There was a trail of blood which started here and disappeared into the dark. - They have fought with those creeps and have gone ahead. But another mercenary was was hesitating looking at the left tunnel. - What if there’s a catch? It would be better to divide into two groups. - Master told us not to do that. The fewer we are, the more dangerous it is for us. - But they’re only two! - Two? The woman’s like four! Look what have they done with those monsters! Finally, they took the right path. Kurtis smiled, hidden in the dark. No problem. Gunderson withdrew to the excavation’s entrance. His men were wearing gas masks, but he was already half-suffocated by the damned petrol. He was astonished when he saw Kurtis standing in front of him. He immedatly aimed his machine gun at Kurtis, but Kurtis was not trying to defend himself and this astonished Gunderson even more..

Kurtis got up and looked around. Mantichoras’ incident will play against his plan, but it won’t messed up if he acted quickly. After killing the last mantochora (it was easy with the great accurancy of the Churigai) he had placed Lara’s body in a hidden corner of the tunnel. However, mantichoras’ blood, bonfire’s remains and dead bodies would betray them, if Gunderson’s men didn’t discovered them before that. Kurtis’ mother, Marie Cornel, was an Indian of the navajos’ matriarchal tribe. Kurtis had spent most of his life with her, and Marie, who was a strong woman (like Lara) she had instructed her son about things only known by Indians: how to track somebody without being discovered, how to move with secrecy and discretion, talking as little as possibleis that what you mean or have I misintrepreted here?, and how to eliminate all signs which show that you’ve been somewhere. And, in fact, Kurtis could go unnoticed anywhere, he never took part unless necessary and he always remained in the shadows. So he was able to go unnoticed to Gunderson’s men. He quickly pushed the mantichoras’ dead bodies out and he put them in the center of the tunnel near to where it forked. He carefully picked up the bloody sand and spread it over the dead bodies, then he buried the bonfire’s remains and flattened the sand so it looked as if no one had been there. If the plan succeded, Gunderson’s men would take right path, where there were signs of battle. However, according to Selma’s map, the path that led to the exit was on the left. Satisfied, Kurtis came back and sat down next Lara, put out the flare and waited for lara to wake up.I had to chage what you said slightly as i can't think of a way to say exctally what you did.

ok thats cool, and you did a pretty good job, I couldn't translate anything at all complicated into another language.

Errors are in red my comments are in blue, corrections are in green When Lara regained conciousness, she regretted at the moment (I'm not sure what you mean here) . Her head was hammering and her eyes were cloudy. She tried to sit up, but her head started waving and she dropped her head on the bag which suits her like a pillow.This doesn't make much sense. you could rephrase it as "She tried to sit up, but felt dizzy and collapsed back onto the pillow." I'm not sure if thats what you want to say exctally. - It would be better if you don’t move.- she heard Kurtis say. The man was squatted in a corner of the tunnel. He has lit a little bonfire and was cooking something that didn’t smell very good. She saw four shapes on the corner. - That thing you’re cooking isn't what I think it is, is it?- Lara whispered, putting her hands over her eyes. - Mantichora’s flesh. – he said- The only antidote for its own poison. Kurtis approached and offered her a piece of grey flesh. Lara felt sick. - I’m not going yo eat that.- she said, obstinate – I’m better. I’m not going to die. - Right.- he said – But you will go blind in two hours. Lara growled an put the flesh into her mouth. Fortunately, despite it's horrible appearance, mantichoras tasted like chicken. She fell asleep inmediately. I'll do some more later.

thanks for the welcome, I'm sure I will

thanks

cool, is it possible that you could email me when you post a new article?